“You’re the friend everyone needs and no-one wants!” Work colleague to me.
That’s right, I am one of those rare people who do not care what you think, you are likely to get the truth from me anyway – love me or hate me for it! Do not mistake me for a fool, I am intelligent and calculated in terms of how I present my opinion (in most instances). I have spent some time lately identifying my values; clarifying; what is important to me, the sort of friend, aunty, girlfriend, daughter and sister I aspire to be; how I want to relate to and interact with the world, other people and myself. This has been at the least critical to remain focused on athletic goals for a short period of time and a surprisingly confronting process resulting in a realisation that in some aspects of my life, I have compromised my core values for relationship or an athletic goal, for many years. Some of the qualities I value in others and aspire to include; humility, hard workers, honesty and sincerity, faithfulness, loyalty, dependability, genuineness, reliability and carefully considered thinkers.
Identifying the qualities I value in others and aspire to myself, has in fact allowed me to understand why certain prominent qualities in others – particularly athletes – irritate the life out of me. I try to be “zen” about other people and tell myself often that “we are all different”, “all have different values” and “it takes all sorts to make the world go round”. In all honesty there are just some people who I actively avoid, at all costs because they do not emanate positive energy or make others feel good about themselves, they quite literally repulse me! Certain qualities are instant turn-offs; and I am not talking physical qualities however there are just certain qualities that go against everything I aspire to be – you must have felt this with some people you meet? They make you uncomfortable, irritated or edgy? Truth be told, at the pointy end of contest preparation as my tolerance levels drop away rapidly and I am more likely to say what I really think but what a great opportunity to BE BRUTALLY HONEST.
So I have chosen to move away from my usual writing style and just unload, a few truths for the readers about the qualities that repulse me in others…
1. A burning need to tell the world how “badass” you are
“When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” - Walter Payton (Pro NFL Running back)
When someone has a burning desire to tell the world about every lift or every acheivement and how “badass” they are, it is fulfilling a need in that person; a need to be recognised, a need to be liked/loved, a need to be considered “something”. The reality is, your worth as a person is not defined by likes on Instagram or Facebook; likes do not make you a better person, athlete or lover. At the end of the day, people will “see” and “feel” your inner qualities through your “real”relationships with others, your performance at work or how you present yourself as an athlete – in the good times and the bad.
2. Stirring controversy purely for exposure
There is a really big difference between stating a well educated, well thought through, intelligent position on a matter and stirring controversy just for the purpose of bolstering your own ego, impressing others, gaining “likes” or appearing badass.
I have been seriously picked on by two men in the last five years in this sport. Both times because they were vocal about their wife, daughter and/or client was “the best” and accusing me of being jealous. Anyone who knows me well knows I am NEVER jealous of anyone else. Especially not in strongwomen/powerlifting. My view is that you get the results that you train for in these sports, therefore what the heck is there to be jealous of? I do not compete in this sport because I want to “be the best” (whatever that is), or the strongest or for the titles…I do it because i love the training and I really LOVE travelling and meeting like minded athletes around the world. So this being said what the hell would I ever be jealous of anyone else for?
People who bully others on-line generally would never do it in person however they do have issues. Any number of explanations might include personality disorders, being socially inept, dissatisfied with their own life discourse, or generally insecure and unhappy with life. I am a believer that you reap what you sow; how you treat others is how you will be treated. That is just a universal law….so make the choice about how you treat others but accept the consequences for your actions. Do not get to the end of your days and question why you have no-one if you choose to treat others with disregard.
3. Arrogance, lack of humility and non-genuineness ~ Pretending to be something you are not, for followers, sponsors etc
“The truest characters of ignorance are vanity, pride and arrogance” ~ Samuel Butler (English Author)
Character is an interesting concept and I think there is some general misunderstanding of what true character actually is. Character is not an act, 
performance or something contrived to make ourselves likeable or appealing to sponsors or “fans”.
“True Character is not worried about being popular. Character IS about doing what is right, not what is convenient or well received. Character is about building an inner world that remains stable and secure, despite external concerns or comforts.” ~ Philip Baker (Author – Secrets of Super Achievers)
it is often quoted that true character only reveals itself in times of stress, pressure or crisis. Arrogance, lack of humility and ingenuity to me, are true indicators of huge insecurity in individuals. Arrogance is often described as having or displaying a sense of over-bearing self worth or self importance while humility is the direct opposite of this; not proud or arrogant; having or displaying a sense of insignificance, inferiority or subservience. This description befits a person who is genuine is sincere, honest and is free of hypocrisy.
Essentially character is building a genuine, honest and sincere inner world and living and breathing and speaking that world. Athletes who are arrogant, lack humility and are non-genuine seem to be motivated by external influences such as employment, achievements, titles, looks, assets, Facebook likes and being seen by others as “something” or “someone”.
Good questions to ask yourself are; how real are your relationships with others? how honest are you with those you love? How do you want others to relate to you and how do you want to relate to others?
4. Excuses and reasons for not achieving goals
“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses” ~ George Washington
Excuses are often just ways of rationalising, to yourself, the reason why you did not achieve what you set out to achieve. No-body else really cares for them but they are a way of convincing yourself of why you did not get a job done or behaved in a way that was against your own values. At some level I believe that they are a way of comforting ourselves~making ourselves feel better about our lack of achievement. The bottom line is you did not get the work done or you behaved in an unacceptable way – no excuse in the world will fix that.
Bernadette Logue, in her article titles “Five empowering questions to challenge your excuses” suggests that there are five powerful questions that you can use to challenge your own excuses for what you say you would not or could not do.
1. If I were to die right now, and I have not done “it”, how would I feel? 
2. If I did “it”, would i feel more excited about myself and life?
3. If I knew I could not fail and would not die in the process, would I give “it” a go?
4. Do I believe I have the strength and courage to do “it”?
5. Do I think that mastering “it” would help me in other areas of life?
not having time – make the time
not having money – start a dream fund and save it
not having the strength – do what you have to to gain the strength
not having the support - develop a network of supportive people who will be there for you in all circumstances
Excuses are often generalised, irrational statements and will more often than not have a rational solution; the solution or plan may not be immediate and may take a number of stages and will not be without obstacles – but nothing is impossible if you really want it. if you really, really want it you will find a way and you WILL take full responsibility for developing and following through with the plan.
What I know is that it is really, really important to define your values so you do not go mindlessly through life and get to a point where you look back and think “what the f**k has been happening for the past 5/10/20 years?” Letting things just happen to you, without making conscious decisions about what is right for you and worthy of your time and what is not, is no way to live. You need to know what you want and what you want to be to live a meaningful, valued life that you can be proud of. Define your values and bring meaning and purpose to your life ~ make every moment count.
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