I was boarding a non-stop flight from Florida to LA. I found my row, and stuffed into the window seat was a woman who had to weigh at least 350. Her heft was only eclipsed by her 450 pound husband sitting next to her in the center seat. Without exaggerating an inch, at least 1/3 of my isle seat was obliterated by the prodigious ass of chubby hubby. Not only was his huge ass taking up a good portion of my seat, but he had insolently pulled the arm rest up so the rest of his mass could ooze out into my allotted space. I stood there staring at the situation when the guy glanced over at me then reached up and pressed the flight attendant call-button with a pudgy finger. Surely I figured he had sized up the situation and called for help because there was no way I was going to fit in what was left of that seat.
In no time flat a rather cute flight attendant arrived on the scene and before I could open my mouth, the guy spilling over into my seat asked her-- as proud as you can imagine-- for seat belt extenders for him and his wife! What?! Hold on a minute. We needed a seat extender first! But, just like it was nothing, the flight attendant handed over about six feet of webbing and told me to take my seat! Couldn't she see that not enough of it was left? When I complained she told me that the flight was full and that I'd have to take my seat now and that they would try to move some people around after take-off. No fucking way. I paid for a whole seat and that's what I or anyone else would expect, so who did she think they were going to get to sit there, a midget? I could tell you for certain, there were none on board. I didn't pay $468.00 to help haul some complete stranger's ass across the country, and I doubt anyone else would do the same.
The flight attendant then became adamant that I take my seat because the plane could not push back until all passengers were where they should be. She reminded me that the door was shut and the entire plane was waiting on me. Again I refused, stating that I was not going to suffer because the airline doesn't make accommodations for such situations. She implored me to sit down. Not until I had a whole seat. I paid for a whole seat and that's what I was going to get or we were just going to stand there until the cops hauled me away.
Right about then the lead flight attendant showed up and asked what the problem was. The subordinate told her that I refused to take my seat. I countered that I would gladly take my seat just as soon as they cleared it off. I wasn't going to budge until I had the entire seat for which I paid. The lead flight attendant said that there was nothing that she could do, the plane was full and the door was shut. If I didn't sit down we couldn't push back and make an on-time departure. Since when do planes take off on time? I really didn't care if we ever took off and I held my ground, refusing to sit down while the two people taking up my space just sat there with these big shit-eating grins on their faces like they were winning some kind of lottery ticket. Finally, the captain showed up. He looked at me and what was left of my seat and asked the flight attendant why I couldn't be reseated. She told him it was because the plane was full. He said that it wasn't and asked me to be his guest in first class.
Thanks, captain,
I know overweight people have rights, but they don't have any more rights than in-shape people. I'm dead sure the pro-fat advocates disagree and their ire is up high enough to pen chastising remarks about me to the editor, but you know, I'm sick and fucking tired of being politically correct. If your ass is so fucking big that you can't fit in an airline seat, then you need to haul it to the gym and whittle it down. If you can't-- or won't-- do that, then you need to buy an extra seat for the overflow because you're not using mine!
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