The current political climate in the U.S. is indicative of a trend that if things don't turn around soon, almost everyone in the country will either be behind bars, been behind bars, or waiting to go to trial and get thrown behind bars. If you're a bodybuilder doing time, weight training is going to take on a whole new face, much different than the one you knew all too well on the outside. And certainly don't be silly enough to think that getting busted and doing time can't happen to you.
Hardcore bodybuilding, being the nefarious underground cult sport that it is, requires illegal activity if you dare go all the way, which is the goal of many bodybuilders. In light of some really startling statistics, many bodybuilders worsen the odds by playing right into their drug-taking mindset. And, with that usually comes other brands of illicit activities as well. So, since the proverbal shoe fits, you better be prepared. . . just in case!
According to government statistics, ten years ago, there were a little under 2 million Americans in prison. Today, eight million people are in prison or on probation in the U.S. Another way to look at that is: one out of every 30 Americans is in prison or on probation today. These statistics do not include those unfortunate individuals who were already incarcerated or on probation and who have completed their sentences; nor does it include those who have been indicted but not yet tried, convicted, and sentenced. In even a conservative estimate, these number could easily rise to 1 out of every 15. Consider the fact that bodybuilders, by the very nature of the beast, run a higher risk of being included in these statistics, and it's quite conceivable that if you 'e reading this you know, or will know, someone who is a convict. That is, of course, if you're not one, been one, or will become one yourself. If you have any doubt over the inference, just ask Rick Collins. The country's top steroid lawyer will tell you, business is booming now more than ever.
I really don't think anyone ever stops to consider just how big an impact getting busted can be when they're on-line trying to buy gear, or smuggling shit back from Mexico, or just doing the age-old deal out of a gym bag-- or anything else illegal for that matter. You might think at the moment that what you're doing is illegal and that you might get caught; but, the reality of actually getting caught and what could actually happen to you is too abstract of an idea to be a deterrent. You're still going to go through with the deal. Unless you've been there-- face down on the ground, hands cuffed behind your back, an agent's knee between your shoulder blades and several loaded guns pointed at your head-- there's just no way to really know how fucked up things get if you do get caught. Law infractions involving schedule III drugs are not handled like a traffic stop. And, there is no such thing as a slap on the wrist. Rambo and his troops are coming to get you.
While the take down is indeed dramatic, even for Hollywood, you may not do time. Even if you don't, any beef can wreak havoc in your life and turn it all upside down to the degree that you'd wish you did the time, or at least die! Either one would do, but sometimes the latter seems like the best route. Sitting here today, I'd have to say I would have definitely been wrong. But, at the time, it was a thought to reckon with.
That's why Rick Collins' book is so important. The information it contains could be an awesome deterrent to getting caught, or at least, what to do if you do. However, if you do get pinched, and all of Rick's insight and the efforts of your attorney fail to get you off the hook, then you need to know a few things about the joint if you want to keep building your body.
First, if you're going to do a crime, and you can do the time, and the sticks fall in such a way that you actually do have to do time, then make sure that the time you do is for the Feds-- not the state. It might mean making sure your PO Box is in a different state than your home, or using cell phones to communicate across state lines, or doing biz on the net. Just doing a deal on the street is a superior court case of the state in which the parking lot was located in which you got nabbed. That means, if you get convicted, you are going to a state penitentiary and will do your time behind the wall with guys doing life (OZ). Federal convicts doing a first time, non-violent, beef for drugs are generally classified as a level 1 security risk (the lowest) and go to one of the many "Club Feds" growing across the country. Some of these federal prison camps are located on or near a military base. Convicts may work on these bases and can many times wear civilian clothes, drive vehicles, leave the camp, and fraternize with women - both civilian and enlisted - who work on the base or in the prison camp. Plus, all the camps are run the same way. Federal inmates eat the same thing at the same time in just about every prison camp. At 4:00 PM, all inmates must be standing up by their bunks to be counted. If you're working for a government contractor off the base, you will be counted there. It's all very regimented and standardized.
State convicts, on the other hand, do their time behind a razor wire topped electric fence that makes a perimeter zone around a high wall that encompasses a rather grand building with a usually dreary aura surrounding it, and you can't leave, much less drive anywhere, and there are no women. And there won't be until you get out. Not real ones anyway. And, the worst part about state time is that the warden in any particular state can run his prison any way he wants. If he thinks his inmates should wear pink jumpsuits, do slave labor, and only get to watch the Disney channel, then that's all you'll be dong for your entire incarceration.
While Federal campers are usually treated better than state convicts, and have more amenities, there is no good time. You have to do 85% of your bit, but there is no parole or probation under the new federal sentencing guidelines; once it's over, it's over. No reporting in every month. I've done both state and the Federal time and in my humble experience I would have to say that getting caught is about the worst thing that could ever happen to you. But, if you are going to get caught, make sure it is a federal law you are breaking.
Upon your arrest, you will be transported to either a local precinct or a federal field office and booked. Mug shots, finger prints, cataloging your personal belongings, paperwork, record checking, a lot of sitting around on cold concrete where you will eat your one and only meal -- a bologna sandwich on Wonder bread, a mealy apple and a warm container of milk that ran out it's freshness date two days before. From there you'll be transported to a county jail or a federal detention center where you will get processed; strip searched, showered, given prison clothes and jelly shoes; they give you a blanket, two sheets and a pillow, and show you to your cell to meet your new roommate. You can pretty much count this as a non-training day in your incarceration odyssey. This process usually takes the better part of an entire day, sometimes several days.
It's from this place that you will be taken to court and arraigned. Your arraignment is where you are formally charged with a crime, asked how you plead, and for the judge or federal magistrate to set bail. In the federal system, this day begins long before dawn with a series of strip searches, clothes changing, shuffled between holding cells - sometimes on a bus - cuffed and shackled, and fed the same bologna sandwich happy meal. You may spend a grand total of seven minutes at your arraignment, but it takes 18 hours to get to and from it. Again, count your arraignment day as a non-training day.
Your main goal after you get back from the arraignment is to get the fuck out of jail. If the judge set bail, have someone post it for you or get a bondsman to do it, and get OUT! You'll probably want to hurry back to the gym and start packing on some extra mass. This is what most people and their lawyers accomplish during the first few days after arrest. Depending on your particular situation it may take longer. But, after about a month, those who can get out have long departed and are home awaiting trial or hammering out a plea agreement, or out setting up their friends. The guys left fall into two categories; those who were denied bail and those who just can't afford it. Either category can be home to some pretty fucked up dudes. Even though these guys have not been to trial and proven guilty, or negotiated a deal with the prosecutor and plead guilty, a federal detention center is run like a level 6 maximum security prison. Just in case. If you end up spending any time in the lock up, choose your training partner wisely.
Training in county jail is usually something done outside during a brief rec time you get every day. Some county jails don't have weights. All federal detention centers used to. If they still do it's not much. I was reacquainted with the old chromed relic that stood my high school weight room when I was in. No matter how imaginative you get, there is only so much you can do on a Universal. Pushups are popular. In fact there is a widely practiced pushup routine in prison. The idea is to do 50 push-ups. But you do them in two locations at opposite ends of the yard or the tier; start in one spot and do one push-up, then walk to the other spot and do two push-ups, then walk back to the first spot and do three push-ups, back to the other and do four, etc. Try it some evening in your living room, I bet you can't get to 10.
Neither place will have a concern for your bodybuilding nutritional requirements. Everyone gets the same plate of so-called food, and that's it. The Feds nuke it for you on the tier, in county you take it the way they give it to you. Basic hunger can be quelled by weekly trips to the commissary-- if you have money on account-- with things like ramen noodle soup, crackers, chips, cookies and other highly refined carbohydrate items. Protein powder is not available. Like I said, your main goal when you get to one of these places is to get the fuck out ASAP. This is where you will lose the bulk of your muscle. You will never get enough food, you will have little time to train on limited and shitty equipment-- if you get to train at all-- and the depression that naturally sets in makes getting psyched for a workout a bit of a chore. There is no positive aspect to this phase of the game.
One of two things are now going to happen as your trial date arrives. You are either going to be found not guilty and released, or you will plead guilty or be will be convicted by a jury and sentenced. The sentencing process required a pre-sentence report that evaluates you and your crime to determine how secure a prison you'll spend your time in and/or if you're a danger to yourself or to others and need to be segregated. For state guys, you're all going to a penitentiary. The pre-sentence report just recommends in what part of the pen you belong. Federal inmates who are designated a level 1, go to camp. Depending on how you work it, camp can be a good place to build your body and do it without the expense!
I only spent a month in county jail on my state beef and didn't end up doing prison time, but I was not able to get out of the detention center on my federal beef. My bail was just too high and I did not have much of a support system on the outside. I ended up spending a little over four months there. I went in somewhere in the neighborhood of 220 and weighed in at the camp at 159! I hadn't weighed that little since junior high.
I was white as a ghost from not seeing the sun in four months, weak, I hadn't had a haircut since a month before I got arrested, and I felt like shit when the bus pulled through the gate of the Federal Prison Camp in Boron, CA. The first thing I noticed as the bus pulled up to the processing building was a swimming pool with a bunch of guys laying out around it, getting a tan and eating watermelon! You've got to remember, other that the rec yard-- which was a cage with a roof on the sixth floor of downtown building-- I hadn't even been outside the whole time I was there.
Once they turn you loose on the camp, the first thing you have to do is get a job. If not, you'll spend the work day raking the desert floor or moving rocks from one place to another in the blistering heat. I got to camp around lunch time and one of the first things I got to do was eat.
I walked into chow and nearly fell over. Other than the line which had a hot entree that actually looked like food I recognized, there was a huge salad bar overflowing with fresh fruit and vegetables, a pasta station and an ice cream machine! This place had food alright-- though it was mostly all carbohydrates and fat; they monitored the protein. It's the most expensive item and the one we all wanted the most of. So, I figured the best way to get my hands on more protein was to get a job in the kitchen. That was easy, the guy in charge recognized me from TV. I had a job in the kitchen that afternoon and didn't spend a single day raking rocks and I could eat all the protein I wanted so long as no one was looking, and that was easy.
My first day on the job I noticed that I had a good idea but it wasn't unique. Most of the guys I was working with were muscle heads; they were there for the protein too. With ready access to the pantry, we all built burgeoning prison enterprises by smuggling protein items such as hard boiled eggs, tunafish, and ham out of the kitchen. I was definitely having things. Even without the side biz, getting a job in the kitchen is the best place for a bodybuilder in prison. If you want to eat, you go to the source. When I did my bit for the Feds, the commissary did have protein powder for sale. It was not a brand I had ever heard of and it was of a lumpy sort if you had to mix it without a blender, which I did. I had to mix two scoops of protein powder with a packet of instant hot chocolate and put it in an empty (and thoroughly rinsed out) shampoo bottle and shake the shit out of it in order to get the stuff mixed enough to choke down; if it wasn't for the hot chocolate I'd surely have gagged on that shit. I have heard from several inmates that there is no longer protein powder available at their prison commissary. Some have told me they can get it once in a while. No one can bring you any. For the most part, count on no supplements while you're down. So, make sure you take full advantage of the food you can get. It's all there is.
Next, you have to train. My second day there I found the weight pile. I walked in and no sooner than I did a familiar voice called out and said, "Hey, Romano, you need a training partner?" It was Dan Duchaine. Can you imagine? So, I had it covered; access to plenty of protein, plenty of rest, and daily training with the guru. Now, back to work. I had 40 pounds to put back on and an attitude to adjust.
A prison gym looks just like it sounds. There are no complete lines of gleaming white Hammer machines. There is not even one, nor does anything gleam. It's pretty much a battered free weight society on the inside, usually with the requisite yet crude pulley machines, benches and leg stuff. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, especially with all the new prisons popping up, but don't expect much-- and remember, many prisons today do not have weights. If you are lucky enough to be sent to a camp with a gym , basic movements are what you should stick with. Bench press, squats, dead lifts, shoulder presses, assorted dumbbell moves and whatever else you can figure out with what's there. Just don't get too fancy; an injury in prison is not a good thing. You will not be going to a sports specialist to get it fixed; not until you get out anyway, and that will probably be too late. Make sure you use the strictest form, have a spotter, and really not consult with your ego when you are deciding whether or not to add weight. Bench presses are always very popular in prison, so too are bench press contests. So, be careful.
While the entire system seems to be totally against you building and keeping muscle, prison can be as good a place as any to hammer out some fundamental work, regardless of where you are in the building process. It could even be the best place. First of all, by ridding your mind of all the negatives that brought you to that place, you can gradually take on the stark aspect of the fact that you are there to stay for however long they said, and there is not much anyone is going to do about it. So, if you're going to do time, you might as well do good time. That being said, if you work the system and take advantage of all that is available in there, it is possible (however remote) to walk out with hardcore gains in mass, condition, and character.
Sleep is one thing bodybuilders on the whole generally don't get enough of. Even eight hours a night for a hard training bodybuilder is barely enough. Add to that the stressful demands of a job, a family, friends and associates, and the rest you get never seems to be adequate. In prison camp, you are free of all that. Don't get me wrong, it's still prison, but as far as prisons go, it's a lot less stressful a place than if you were doing hard time behind a wall-- state or federal. With just a little finagling, it's easy to train twice a day, take a nap in the afternoon or otherwise accumulate 10 or 12 hours of sleep each day, you can get enough food, and there is a never ending supply of willing training partners. There are even ways of getting to do weekly injections, but I'm not going into that and blowing the system for the guys inside using it. Let's just say I know firsthand it can be done.
Yeah, you have to deal with a lot of bullshit and the loss of things you held dear like money, your job, your girl, and your freedom. But, you have to take things for what they are. If you're going to prison, do your damnedest not to go. If there is no way out, then don't let it eat you up. You can train and grow in there, and while that is no real solace to a guy about to lose a few years of his life - not to mention most of his shit - it sure beats getting out and having to deal with the usual problems along with being a pencil neck. When you get out, you can recapture much of what was taken away from you, if not more. Like most of whom I know have.
Once you get caught and convicted, the bottom line about the whole thing is them taking as much of your shit as they can. Along with a piece of your life, they'll also go after the rest of your stuff - cars, boats, bank accounts, artwork, jewelry, your professional license, house, investments, business, collectibles, and just about everything else of value they can insist was obtained with ill-gotten gains. You're girl will more than likely quit you too. And, there is little you can do about any of it. However, as far as your body and your mind go, they can't make you give them up. They will try though. Believe me, they will try. Just don't let them. Be disciplined, do your time, and get out at least as good as when you went in. The world will still be waiting for you when you get out.
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