The reality TV show called "Jersey Shore" chronicles the lives of a stereotypical group of Italian-Americans. While attention to such heritage is usually paid on the Discovery Channel and Nat-Geo with programming related to great inventors, scientist, artists, explorers and even the Mafia, MTV decided to chronicle the "Guido" Italian-American culture commonly found along the south shoreline of New Jersey.
In this subculture, the guys are known as guidos and the girls are referred to as guidettes. Additionally, there is a particular version of guidette known as the "guidette monster". Big hair, big boobs, big butt, gum chewing sassy little thing that can always be found in the DJ booth at Surf Club. Her companion guido is a very orange-tanned jacked-up muscle head with gel spikes in his hair, two 3/4 carat zircons in each ear, and sunglasses up on his head (even though he left home-- his mom's house-- after dark in his Vette) on his way to Surf Club so he can get upset over his little monster being in the DJ booth.
Guidos never have a problem throwing hands. As such, they are thrown with nominal ease in a variety of altercations that is never more than six degrees of separation from involving a guidette monster. Many times alcohol is also involved, as it was one evening while Jersey Shore was being filmed. A drunk high school gym teacher from Queens took a guidette monster's drink and when she inevitably confronted him, the gym teacher sucker punched all 4' 6" of her in the face. It was a punch felt around the world because it effectively turned a guidette named "Snooki" into the Snooki Monster.
What is a Snooki Monster? Well, from what I can gather by her appearance at the Arnold classic (she was there with her boyfriend Emilio appearing at Club Sugar as a paid host), a Snooki Monster is the top guidette. That punch has made Snooki more famous than I could even begin to tell you. She caused a crowed everywhere she stopped at the expo. One of those stops was, at the constant brain-rattling behest of Bobby Smalls, the RX Muscle booth where the Smalley's tortured her on stage to the clicks of hundreds of cameras. Then Dave interviewed her behind the divider at the GAT booth and the crowd's camera's kept clicking.
Somehow, after that interview, Mr. G and Bobby escorted Snooky to the Arnold Cheerleading contest. The ensuing melee over Snooki was noted in awe by Bobby Smalls who has told and retold the story at least 400 times. One of those times was at a table in Marcellas where we were all sitting on Sunday evening for dinner. And guess who was sitting between Mr. G and me? None other than Snooki and Emilio! The Smalley's invited them to dinner!
Not to be out done by his brother, Mr. G. stepped up the action. He went story for story with Bobby as the mountain of food he ordered - on top of what Dave already ordered - flooded the table. While Dave and I turned away servers bringing more and more food, Mr. G. spit half of what little he put into his mouth (devoid of back teeth) into Snooki's hair. This continued until six pizzas were history (mostly because Dave and I ate them) and the requisite pictures were taken. Then we walked back to the Hampton Inn where I followed Snooki and Emelio up to room 716. Jimmy the Bull and I just happened to be staying next door in 718. We had no idea who they were! But we sure do now. We all know a girl who got famous because some dude punched her in the face. Despite all the negative publicity behind "Jersey Shore", Snooki and Emelio are two great people! I'm glad we became friends!
