- Created on Thursday, 19 January 2012 13:39
- Written by Bryan Hildebrand
Inspiration has been an allusive mistress for me as of late. I guess that's the price we pay for rocking out a little too hard, playing too much Zelda and selling your soul to the mobile phone industry one 10 hour day at a time.
Since I now live in an altered state of reality: hung over, stressed out, under paid, under appreciated and stuck on the damned earth temple in Skyward Sword; my existence permanently resides along side the pronounced beeping of the low heart levels found in every video game and real life Lou adventure.
It's that steady warning tone that serves my annoyingly high built in angst levels and accompanies my every moment as I maneuver through these months constantly letting me know I'm in danger of dying out.
"Would you like to continue on your Journey?" My Wii asks me every time I unskillfully kill off my little Link character.
Great Question for life.
Yes or No are your only decisions. That's it. You pick one.
I would ascertain that subconsciously I picked "No" to continuing my aggressive journeying through life the day I found myself wandering around BJ's Warehouse looking for a plush executive office chair.
In hind site, I knew I was going to force my hot lil dirty leather chair to bare my oafish 250 lbs and succumb to my ass's will for endless hours of gaming, movies and burrito consumption. Naughty leather chair: the precursor to holiday hibernation and seclusion that accompany the winter lull in spirit and zest.
Ya, I'm still in the gym. 5 times a week. 6 in the morning. Sweating EVERYWHERE and grunting away to the same damned Rage Against The Machine and Tool tracks.
But . . . Something has been missing.
I haven't deadlifted heavy since we went to France in June for Natural Worlds. Don't really miss it.
I've been squatting but wont go over 500lbs for reps because I'm literally afraid to face my numbers.
Your central nervous system weakens in spirit just a bit when you make this decision I assure you!
But that's not it either.
To the untrained eye it looks like I'm going at it. Tearing through workouts and grimacing in pain. I really believe that to be true.
I actually look bigger littered with veins and sharp crevices in my muscle now. A return to previous form and much more appealing to the eye and size 36 Express pants.
So it's easy to tell myself everything is going O.K.
Gaining the lost attention of spicey females. Check. Waking up with bite marks on face. Check. Leaner. Check. Healthier. Check
It's the inspiration that's lacking. Point Blank.
I haven't been daydreaming about workouts or growing nervous before legs. Why? Because I know I will survive! No more pushing myself to the limit. No more bar bending.
No more "gym bro's" shying away in sheer terror because the anger and energy permeates off me.
I'm fuckin' approachable now. I'm a fuckin bro. Just a slightly bigger version than most normal bro's. Dammit! I'm Affable. Polite now.
It happens slowly. More talk time between sets. More laughing. I stopped bringing my wraps to the gym and belt to avoid the urge to test my spinal capacity for failure!
I threw in an extra arm day because the veins I've uncovered look gnarly! I'm obsessed with bigger arms!.
Sitting and playing video games or gallivanting around town are my stress relief priority now. Not extra workouts.
Not scouring youtube for White Rhino training footage or researching old Westside articles for better auxiliary work. Not the crunches before bed or the asylum style existence you need to live to reach levels of moderate stardom as I've such achieved :)
"Would you like to continue on your Journey in life? "
Well Wii, not really. I'm not sure what else it is I'm supposed to do in moments of low motivation so sure... I'll continue on. I'll just fake everything and make it off old work ethic and habit.
Wii doesnt offer that option, unfortunately life DOES.
And honestly, It would be much more reassuring if Wii told me to do it and I didn't have to second guess all the time as in life.
F U life!
Maybe years of hard work and instilling the grimy work ethic it takes to add slabs of beef to a frame are what's carrying me now through these rough patches of indecisiveness and unsteady decision set.
Maybe rocking out with my Lu-Tang Clan is just too super fun and I'm too scared my youth is slipping very quickly through my calloused hands before I can settle on one long term goal in the strength community?
Yipes that was eerily introspective. Fuck it. I'll leave it in. Why not splay every one of my dirty embarrassing thoughts for your entertainment ? I have no soul as is.
But... You ever go out with a group of people and it feels a lot like the guys of King of the Hill just standing around drinking beer? "Yup...I tell ya hhhwhat." Nothing to say. They're not sure how to open up. Not really exciting. Nice people and all. But I understand why someone wouldn't wanna ruin a weekend doing that.
That's not us. And its a major reason I can't settle.
Substitute Hank Hill with Hank Moody and with us slanging bottles of cake liquor on the party bus passing around shots to every hesitant patron. "Why are these beasts feeding me liquor and dancing poorly?" the innocent by-standards quietly ask themselves.
Karaoke-ing a little 'Guns "Mr. Brownstone" doing the Axel shake. Brown out Quantum leaping from fighting, laughing, slanging, puking, dancing and waking up without pants and you can understand why they are called "adventures" where I come from.
Sure It's not for everyone.
The point is that Wii doesn't have an option for that. It would be one helleva an option if it did though! And it's a slippery slope for motivation!
"Would you like to continue on your Journey......drunk off cake vodka and without underpants?"
"Yes Wii ! Yes!! That one. I wanna do that one! "
Wii: Warning: If you chose YES to the previous statement, your ability to commit to any sort of sound plan, accuracy of long arithmetic orrrrr your memory... in general for that matter... will be highly effected. ha.
"Yes Wii. YES. I told you. I don't care. I'm gonna go get batteries for our cake vodka controllers. They're new. Motion controlled. "
The gym. Issssssn't that exciting when put into real perspective. So it's a hard decision. I'm just proud I keep going for that matter.
It drains your inspiration just a bit when performing remedial physical labor repetitively for hours a day in my opinion.
That is what the gym is isn't it? Think about it. Remedial Torture. Literally a form of masochism. Torture myself now just for the pleasure of it.
The ritualistic bondage of Altruism we put ourselves through that we call "TRAINING": is INSANE! Where the honest motivation is to inflict as much pain upon ourselves as possible to achieve a desired positive reaction within our own body or thought.
It's Fucked up to think that something may be wrong within us when the INSPIRATION to inflict PAIN upon OURSELVES is waning!
But so be it though. I get why we do it.
Warriors from many great ancient civilizations built their skills through the ages to advance nations and defend its borders and resources. Survival. Exploration. Conquest.
We build our muscles to post cool YouTube videos, look big at the bar and make others notice our witty online dating profiles. Youtube. Bar. Plenty of Fishes.
"You were a strongman? And muscley. And tattoo'd. And sensitive.. MMMM if you had hair you'd be the total package.... what you doing this weekend?" - general online dating fodder.
Lou. I'm sorry. You've turned into a bro. A Bro's Bro at that my friend. And that lifestyle though explicitly fun, should not be rewarded! At any cost or time!
That, is a positive place to start my inspiration.
Because even what we do to ourselves I personally think should be certified fucking insane. It still matters too me. To you. In our society of over indulged lifestyle and pacified shrinking brains it somehow matters how I perceive myself and the work we put into ourselves.
Your lying if you think otherwise.
We are not warriors any longer. We sharpen our bodies senses and ability for pure pleasure to ourselves. Period.
And now that I've spent a good second taking stock and perspective of where I am currently there needs to be a dawning in change of my attitude for sure.
An HONEST session of house cleaning of the Bro status and general moral cleansing I feel is much needed in my approach.
Get back to what I know how to do. That feeling of accomplishment. Not just being status quo.
That masochist feeling that lives in us for whatever fucked up reason that just drives us. Drives us to wake up early. Drives us to the gym. Drives us to inflict real life PAIN upon ourselves. That drive we love to punish ourselves for.
It's time. I'm excited for it. I hope some of you feel reinvigorated. I know I do!
There will always be room for more adventures of the Lu-Tang Clan. Hell, Life is just more fun that way. And damn you bastards if you think otherwise.
Though Scott Bacula I'm sure would appreciate the Drunken Quantum Leaping reference, I need to call upon his ability to travel beyond time and all reason LESS for my own pure evil and enjoyment.
THAT.. is for certain to keep my inspiration steadfast in the forefront of my thoughts. I implore you seek your own inspirations for why you do the things that you do. I leave you with one last thought and bidding's of a Happy Holiday.
For Christmas time is upon us and the built in stress relief of exercise is always a good resource to battle the anxiety and depression of sending yourselves further into debt and into wider pants
Maybe that is our battle. Maybe That is our war ? Our generations mission statement to physical fortitude. Our Frontier.
To fight our own built in constraints and modern mechanisms of the stress of shopping and life and mortgage that have never needed to be dealt with before in human existance.
That is why we sculpt our bodies and need the release of the feel good endorphins given off as the byproduct of pain. "Did you defend your land or people with your advancements in physical capability?" History will ask concerned.
"NO!" We will emphatically shout back. "We had guns to do that. But dammit we took a helleva lot of sexy pictures and posted them directly to facebook! "
Maybe that is our inspiration. Just a fucked up evolution of exercise to fit our nonsense societal stigmas and self induced holiday stress.
No longer to battle hoards of savages or to explore uncharted lands or protect the women and children.
Maybe, now. We just do it to get a little fuckin' relief from in-laws, fruit cake and credit card bills. To get an hour to ourselves out of mind numbing traffic and to be better "bros"
What a sad thought!
But it's all we have. And it's a start in the right direction! ;)
It is what it is.
Wii: Will you continue your Journey?
Lou: Wii...Yes.. But with less karaoke and more deadlifts
That is the option I chose.
Scott Bakula: Lou?
Lou: Yes Scott Bakula.
Scott Bakula: Will you stop using my Quantum Leaping powers for evil?
Lou: Will you tell Ziggy to leap me a burrito?!!!
Scott Bakula: No
Lou: Than Never!!!!