Ever since I can remember I’ve been an observant guy. When I see a person around town that looks like somebody famous I always point it out to the person I’m with. Even when I was little I can remember going to the mall with my grandpa and we’d sit on a bench and people watch while my grandma and mom were busy shopping. It was at a young age I really took notice as to how different people were from one another. And now, years later, most of my people-watching gets done in between sets of heavy shoulder presses, bent over rows and hack squats.
The gym is actually an awesome place to people-watch. Just in the past week I spotted a grandma doing one arm machine preacher curls with one hand, while talking on her cell phone with the other. Apparently she was getting a head start on the 40% off Black Friday discounts on yarn down at JoAnn Fabrics. I’ve noticed the creeper; he’s a middle aged man, often still wearing his Lance Armstrong cycling spandex, who spends 3 hours in the gym just so he can talk to every girl in her early 30s the gym has to offer. Then there are the pseudo powerlifters. You know these guys: bag of chalk, knee wraps, Inzer t-shirts, thick grizzly beards, and Chuck Taylors. The only thing missing was the double layer poly squat suit. All that brutal manliness so I could watch them squat 275lb – what a bunch of beasts.
One thing I can’t quite wrap my head around is why so many fit and well-endowed women in their 20s feel the need to train like they’re prepping to be an Olympic Decathlete or in one of Greg Plitt’s workout infomercials? I watched a girl the other day go from front squats to burpees to Bosu ball push-ups to jumping jacks all within a 2 minute time span. It exhausted me just watching her do this Chinese Fire Drill.
The other thing that really stood out to me was the lack of women in the free weight area. I guess they’re afraid they’re going to bulk up and look like dude. Yeah, heard that one about 100 times too many. You would think that if you’ve been going to the same step aerobics or Zumba class the past 3 years and still can’t see your toes over your saggy tits then it might be time to find something else a bit more productive to do, don’t ya think? I guess common sense isn’t really that common after all. How is it that bodybuilders understand the simple principles of getting into shape: consistently lift heavy weight, do your cardio when needed, and follow a diet closely related to your goals, yet most women at the gym think that the elliptical, salsa dancing, or P90X is going to get them to look like Nicole Wilkins? Sorry ladies, it ain’t happening.
And it isn’t just the women who have a funny way of getting into shape. Men these days have their head so far up their ass it’s amazing they can even scan their card to get into the gym. A day will not pass that I don’t see at least a few guys doing a good 10 sets of shrugs. These same guys have also never done a deadlift or bent over barbell row yet wonder why after months and months of useless shrugging their traps still look like a 15 year old boy.
The last thing and this is actually exciting to see is the amount of ripped old guys there are these days. I guess if Jose Canseco did one good thing it was to open America’s eyes to the health and anti-aging benefits of hormone replacement therapy. I saw a guy the other day that had to be 65 years old with a body of a 35 year old. Not only was it inspiring, but a real testament to the advances of progressive medicine. The guy would have been a great advertisement for clinics like Envision Medical. Imagine if they were able to reverse aging in women! Kind of gross to think somebodies grandma could be a piece of ass again!!
T
he best part about people-watching at the gym is that no matter what city or gym I’m in, it is as if the same people seem to be following me around. Hey, at least I haven’t seen anyone in Hot Skins in a long time! Although, I think I did see them make a cameo appearance in the latest PJ Braun and Jason Genova video down at Busy Bodies. Guess that’s how they do it in South Florida, ehh Singerman?
You can follow Matt on Twitter @MattMeinrod
